Nightlight News

Nightlight has always been beer only. You know this because you continually prostrate yourself at the throne of Pabst in rapt anticipation of stark inebriation and social ease. Although you may buy soda if you please, it is the province of the daytime biz, the Skylight Exchange, and as such, our beverage display is still only beer and that beverage with the eternal trump card, water.
However, beer, despite all its glory and taste, beauty and vigor, aluminum and glass, is not the end-all-be-all of alcoholic beverage choices. Why, there are a multitude of options for those questing for thirst satiety, and we feel that our limited array of options is, well, un-American. Not truly - after all, I could give a fuck - what has all that variety gotten us but colon cancer, cavities, and wasted time in the snacks aisle. But certainly the sentiment of some customers is that they do prefer other colors and mouth feels over the swish and fizz of beer. Some folx say they prefer wine, with it's sleepy drunkenness and sex appeal. Others go for the instant gratification of liquor, or the rush of throat burn that comes with whisky, and so on.

And truly, from investigation of the recycling buckets at Nightlight, I know what you're up to. I've seen the empties - MD 20/20, Jameson, Gallo Wines, Old Crow, King Cobra. You, the poor, sneaky drinker, are quietly smuggling in other beverages that are not on our menu for your own pleasure. Or you're smuggling in shit we sell, but in the wrong vessel - e.g. Pabstsesses in a can. Don't you know that shit is illegal and we plus you could get our asses in a bind if ALE walked in and caught you, the underage-smuggler-looking-for-foggy-brain or poor-but-of-age-drinker with the foreign beverage hidden in your jean jacket? Perhaps you don't care, and I wouldn't either if I wasn't worried about getting shut down for gross and blatant disregard for "da lawz". "Da lawz" by ALE are themselves largely gross and blatantly disregard a fundamental respect for human decision making capabilities (18?21?99?), but to not try to follow them is to go down in flames and bullets at the hands of kevlar armies of law-enforcing ALCOHOL LAW ENFORCEMENT androids.
Hmmmmm. Yet another quandry. Do ya think if we expanded our selection you would drink our wine instead of your cheap fortified mouthwash?

To be continued, again. (FYI, the accompanying illustrations were all made by da author inside a Budweiser distribution facility on the outskirts of east Raleigh. They reflect the futility of ALE education programs for alcohol vendors.)